What am I doing wrong?

這是在下流美那邊看到, 這個月發生在 craigslist 上的真實事件,
是個想變鳳凰的麻雀美女和金龜婿的妙問趣答,
內容精采爆笑!! 😄

以下轉錄MEB生動的譯文:

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一位代號是pers-439179541的小姐就把她的牢騷/疑難雜症貼在Craigslist上面求教大家了,她的問題是:

好了,我實在受夠了一直兜圈子,那就直說了。我是一個漂亮的(讓人驚豔的那種)25歲女生。我善於表達又時髦。我並非來自紐約。我要找一個年薪至少五十萬美元的老公(約合一千六百萬台幣)。我知道這聽起來有點誇張,但是請記住,在紐約,年薪百萬也不過就是個中產階級而已,所以我一點也不覺得這有啥不得了的。

在這個版上有沒有人賺超過五十萬呀?百萬富翁的老婆?有人可以給我點提示嗎?我曾經釣過一個年薪廿到廿五萬的商人,但是這大概就是極限了。年薪廿五萬連紐約中央公園西邊的邊都碰不上。我知道一個跟我一起上瑜珈的女人嫁給一個銀行家,然後住在翠貝卡區(Tribeca,下曼哈頓的高級商業區),她既沒我漂亮,也不是什麼天才。那她到底做對什麼事?到底我要怎麼才能跟她一樣?

我的問題重點就是:

– 你們這些黃金單身漢都在哪裡出沒?明確告訴我哪間酒吧,餐廳,健身房。

– 你們的擇偶條件?男士們你可以老實講,不會傷到我的。

– 我該針對的年齡層(我25歲)?

– 為什麼有的女人可以在紐約上東城過著揮金如土的日子(上東城乃吾友Stella朝思暮想要入住之區),我曾經看過平凡到不行的女人嫁給超多金有錢人,我也看過美到爆的女生還在東村的單身酒吧出沒。這到底是怎麼回事?

– 哪些職業是我該注意的?當然大家都知道,律師,投資銀行家,醫生。這些人到底賺多少錢?然後他們都喜歡去哪裡?那些玩避險基金的人都去哪裡?

– 你們怎麼決定結婚跟交女友?我只想找結婚對象。

想侮辱我的就省省吧。我只是打開天窗說亮話。絕大多數漂亮的女人都很膚淺,至少我對這點很誠實。如果我不是在外貌、文化、世故及持家上面都能夠匹配的話,我是不會開這樣的條件的。

然後呢,有一位代號432279810的先生看到了,就回了一篇:

親愛的pers-439179541

我興味盎然的讀完了妳的文章,也很認真的幫妳想了妳的困境。對於妳的問題,我的分析如下。先說在前面的是,我並不是在浪費妳的時間。我完全符合妳開的條件,也就是說,我年薪超過五十萬。那我是怎麼看這整件事:

妳所開的條件,從像我這樣的男人眼中看來,其實就是爛到一整個不行的交易。怎麼說?撇開那些屎話不談,妳所要講的就是:妳提供妳的美貌,然後我提供我的金錢。這樣很好,很簡單。但是問題來了,妳的美貌會褪色而我的金錢會持之以恆。事實上是,我的收入非常可能一直增加,而妳絕對不可能比現在更漂亮了。

從經濟術語來說,妳是貶值資產而我是增值資產。妳不只是賠錢貨,而且妳貶值的速度會越來越快。讓我解釋給妳聽。妳現在是廿五歲,而有可能會再辣個五年,但是之後一年比一年糟。等到了卅五歲妳就完了。

所以在華爾街,妳是適合交易而不適合買進或持有。。。所以這個問題就是,ㄜ,結婚。。就做生意而言「買妳」實在沒什麼道理(而這正是你要求的),租妳還差不多。如果妳覺得我太粗魯了,我就這麼說吧。如果當我的錢貶值時,妳就會離開,那麼當妳年華老去的時候,我也會要殺出。這就是這麼簡單。所以跟妳約會是個好交易,但是結婚不是。

另外一點,在我出社會之初曾被教過「效率市場」這回事。因此,我很好奇像妳這樣一個「善於表達,優質又讓人驚豔」的女孩怎麼會找不到妳的乾爹。我很難相信如果妳真是如妳所言那樣辣,妳的五十萬怎麼還沒找上妳,或至少上門試試看。

不管怎樣,妳還是可以試著自己賺錢,那我們就不需要聊得這麼辛苦了。

總結以上,我必須要說,妳所在做的,就是很典型的「股票詐騙」。

我希望這些對妳有幫助,而如果妳想要開始從事點出租業的話,通知我一下吧。

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原文如下:

Reply to: pers-439179541@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-10-03, 4:29PM EDT
Okay, I’m tired of beating around the bush. I’m a beautiful (spectacularly beautiful) 25 year old girl. I’m articulate and classy. I’m not from New York. I’m looking to get married to a guy who makes at
least half a million a year. I know how that sounds, but keep in mind that a million a year is middle class in New York City, so I don’t think I’m overreaching at all.

Are there any guys who make 500K or more on this board? Any wives? Could you send me some tips? I dated a business man who makes average around 200 – 250. But that’s where I seem to hit a roadblock. 250,000 won’t get me to central park west. I know a woman in my yoga class who was married to an investment banker and lives in Tribeca, and she’s not as pretty as I am, nor is she a great genius. So what is she doing right? How do I get to her level?

Here are my questions specifically:

– Where do you single rich men hang out? Give me specifics- bars, restaurants, gyms

-What are you looking for in a mate? Be honest guys, you won’t hurt my feelings

-Is there an age range I should be targeting (I’m 25)?

– Why are some of the women living lavish lifestyles on the upper east side so plain? I’ve seen really ‘plain jane’ boring types who have nothing to offer married to incredibly wealthy guys. I’ve seen drop dead gorgeous girls in singles bars in the east village. What’s the story there?

– Jobs I should look out for? Everyone knows – lawyer, investment banker, doctor. How much do those guys really make? And where do they hang out? Where do the hedge fund guys hang out?

– How you decide marriage vs. just a girlfriend? I am looking for MARRIAGE ONLY

Please hold your insults – I’m putting myself out there in an honest way. Most beautiful women are superficial; at least I’m being up front about it. I wouldn’t be searching for these kind of guys if I wasn’t able to match them – in looks, culture, sophistication, and keeping a nice home and hearth.

* it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: 432279810
THE ANSWER
Dear Pers-431649184:
I read your posting with great interest and have thought meaningfully about your dilemma. I offer the following analysis of your predicament. Firstly, I’m not wasting your time, I qualify as a guy who fits your bill; that is I make more than $500K per year. That said here’s how I see it.

Your offer, from the prospective of a guy like me, is plain and simple a cr@ppy business deal. Here’s why. Cutting through all the B.S., what you suggest is a simple trade: you bring your looks to the party and I bring my money. Fine, simple. But here’s the rub, your looks will fade and my money will likely continue into perpetuity…in fact, it is very likely that my income increases but it is an absolute certainty that you won’t be getting any more beautiful!

So, in economic terms you are a depreciating asset and I am an earning asset. Not only are you a depreciating asset, your depreciation accelerates! Let me explain, you’re 25 now and will likely stay pretty hot for the next 5 years, but less so each year. Then the fade begins in earnest. By 35 stick a fork in you!

So in Wall Street terms, we would call you a trading position, not a buy and hold…hence the rub…marriage. It doesn’t make good business sense to “buy you" (which is what you’re asking) so I’d rather lease. In case you think I’m being cruel, I would say the following. If my money were to go away, so would you, so when your beauty fades I need an out. It’s as simple as that. So a deal that makes sense is dating, not marriage.

Separately, I was taught early in my career about efficient markets. So, I wonder why a girl as “articulate, classy and spectacularly beautiful" as you has been unable to find your sugar daddy. I find it hard to believe that if you are as gorgeous as you say you are that the $500K hasn’t found you, if not only for a tryout.

By the way, you could always find a way to make your own money and then we wouldn’t need to have this difficult conversation.

With all that said, I must say you’re going about it the right way. Classic “pump and dump." I hope this is helpful, and if you want to enter into some sort of lease, let me know.

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Craigslist的原文

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